The speaker is then more prone to finding their own solutions to challenges, and results in them being more open to accepting new ideas from others. This can help to reduce negative stress if the speaker is experiencing any it makes them more likely to share further information as well as being likely to make them feel valued and supported which promotes creative thinking. It also an important skill to develop because it gives the speaker reassurance that they have been heard, understood and that their views are being acknowledged. Repeating back what we have understood someone to have said is a simple habit to prevent us from adding our own ‘filter’ when listening to others. Do you fall into patterns of non-listening more with certain people, in specific settings, or is it related to your own mood or energy levels? What can you learn from this? How might this be helping or hindering certain relationships? 2. In those moments, try to draw your attention back to what they are saying, how they are describing their ‘frame of reference’ – how is this impacting them, why is this important to them and what they are looking for from this conversation.Īt the end of your day of conscious listening, take a moment to reflect on the day, being curious about when it is most common. Try this in workplace settings, as well as in your personal life, when chatting to friends and family. Just for today, when you are listening to someone speak, take notice of how quickly you start to think about what you want to say next and how often this happens. So, how do we listen better? Here are three top tips: 1. No wonder executive coach, William Pennington, describes listening as a “non-negotiable key to success”. The listener often then offers advice, solutions or help, based on their own frame of reference, and quickly the speaker feels misunderstood, judged, not heard, dismissed, or devalued. This inhibits true connection, shared understanding, and often leads to miscommunication or conflict. When we are listening, if we are not attentive, we start to assume we understand what they feel, think or want, based on our own feelings, thoughts, goals or values. Everyone’s frame is different, based on their own genetic make-up, experience, values, and goals. ‘Frame of reference’ is a term coined by Aaron and Jacqui Schiff to explain the unique lens through which each person views the world. We often miss the details of what the other person is saying and our brain starts to fill in the gaps of their story, based on our own experience or ‘frame of reference’. When we are thinking about our own story, it is no longer possible for us to be fully attentive to what the other person is saying. However, when it comes to listening, this is not always helpful. In most cases, this helps us to understand things and make decisions. The way our brains make sense of the world around us is to relate information that we received to our own prior experience or knowledge. From these sessions, participants report that at least 80-90% of the time they are thinking about what they want to say next, or about how a story relates to them. In our Sustainable Leadership and our Mental Health for Managers courses, we use role plays with actors so that participants can explore their own listening, or not-listening, habits. The next time you are listening to someone, I invite you to take notice of how often you are thinking of what you want to say next or how their story relates to you, rather than listening attentively to their story and this means to them. It is a practice, an on-going practice, and I therefore urge you to read on to refresh your memory and maybe even pick up some new listening tips for 2022. In this month’s boardroom series article, we are exploring the skill of listening.Įven if you think you know everything there is to know about ‘active listening’, most of us find that when the pressure is on, or we are tired, or angry, our listening skills desert us. ![]() One study by Businessolver even indicated that 60% of employees would take a salary cut to work for an empathetic employer.Īs with so many facets of the workplace, creating an empathetic culture starts with leadership, and that starts in the boardroom. ![]() ![]() From potentially doubling workplace engagement, to being a key driver of innovation, retention and resilience, the benefits to an organisation are extensive. ![]() Richard Clarke, summarises what Stephen Covey proposed was “the single most important principle” in “effective interpersonal communication.”Ī recent Forbes article explained why empathy is the most important leadership skill of 2022. “Seek first to understand before being understood.” This one simple sentence, as said by J.
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